A Broken Heart - Healed

After one year of marriage, we decided it was the perfect time to start a family. Before attempting to get pregnant, it never seriously crossed my mind that we would be one of those couples to face INFERTILITY. We were both healthy and had no known issues. I wasn’t too concerned at first, knowing it is normal for healthy couples to take 6-9 months to conceive. But as each month went by, I grew more concerned that there may be a problem. I visited my doctor after six months and she simply reassured me that it was too early to be concerned, but encouraged me to start getting things checked out after nine months. Still no pregnancy occurred so we had some testing done at the nine-month mark. The doctor called with results and we had an answer as to why pregnancy wasn’t occurring as easily as we thought it would. It wasn’t an end-of-the-world diagnosis, but it explained a lot and gave us reason to believe our struggle was not over.

We proceeded with some Rx medication, more testing, herbal remedies, and various procedures over the next couple of years with no success. The waiting process took its toll on us, me especially. I faced moments of absolute despair and then moments of miraculous rest. The fluctuation of emotion was exhausting. Two years after we began this process, we found ourselves the most emotionally raw. We were facing three months of last resort (or so we thought) procedures and weren’t very hopeful. We made a decision that we would pursue adoption if the procedures didn’t work. We didn’t want to put more time and money into fertility treatments because there was no guarantee of success. God began slowly but faithfully preparing our hearts for this change of direction. He increased a sense of peace in my heart that I never thought possible.

You guessed it. The procedures did not work. We informed our doctor that we would not be pursuing further treatment at that time. The emotional transition from infertility to adoption began. The transition was far easier than I ever expected. A miracle. In my mind, I was giving up the dream to have biological children by agreeing to adopt. But God started to change my perspective on adoption. Instead of viewing myself as a second-class woman because I couldn’t bear biological children, I began to view this change of direction as God’s perfect plan for us. I was so excited!

We did some research on adoption and adoption agencies. After speaking with friends who had adopted, we settled on a Christian agency in SC. We applied and were accepted soon after and began the arduous process of adoption. The paperwork. Oh my, the paperwork. And I thought buying a house was hard! We spent two months filling out paperwork as our second job. Lots of late nights and weekends were spent on the adoption in the midst of an already very busy summer. By the end of those months we had completed all the paperwork given to us, and submitted our home study to the agency. They sent us one last piece of paperwork to fill out before we would be ready for our visit from the social worker.

Here is where things get interesting. I kept putting off the last piece of paperwork because I wanted to wait until my next cycle began to be sure I wasn’t pregnant. I honestly hadn’t thought about becoming pregnant all summer since we finished the treatments, so I’m not sure why it was on my mind, but for some reason it was.

Fast forward to Friday, September 12, 2014. My husband had some dental work done that morning and wanted to stay low key for the rest of the day. One of his friends was in town and planned to hang out with us for the afternoon and evening. I was feeling incredibly irritable that day. Like angry-irritable. I have normal hormonal swings, but this was way different. There was a small thought in the back of my head that I could be pregnant. While the boys ran to the store for 10 minutes, I took a pregnancy test just to get my mind off of it. Well, it did anything but take my mind off of it…because it was POSITIVE!!!

I didn’t believe the test at first. I was shaking, crying, sweating, and out of control. I had to act calm as I called my husband to the bedroom to give him the news. He didn’t believe me either. With shaky hands I pulled out the pregnancy test instructions and tried to talk myself out of the positive test. It couldn’t be true! As we looked at the test we couldn’t deny the fact that those two blue lines meant positive! We hugged and cried and then had to compose ourselves again for an evening with our dinner guest.

I still didn’t 100% believe it was true. I took another test on Saturday as well as Sunday and they were both positive. I went in on Monday for a blood test just to be sure. Obviously, there was still disbelief abounding.  Our doctor called on Tuesday with the news that we were indeed pregnant! Our first appointment and ultrasound was at nine weeks along. It was absolutely exhilarating to see our baby moving on that screen and watch the little heartbeat pound at a rapid rate. What a MIRACLE!

As I sat with that little girl squirming around inside of me, I looked back with a smile over those last three years, but not because they were easy. Times were hard. Very, very hard. But God was good. Very, very good. He took us through the darkest days of our life and brought us through with changed hearts. Our faith grew, our love deepened, our trust was strengthened. We became new people with a new perspectives. Our daughter was born in the spring of 2015 and has been a source of incredible joy! She is beautiful, talkative, and hilarious! We have very full and very thankful hearts.

-Kellie Kaminski


 
 

I am a southern girl turned western! I grew up in the southeast, moved to the pacific northwest after getting married, and I now live with my husband and daughter in Salt Lake City, Utah. My husband is a cabinetry engineer and I am a stay-at-home mom and a photographer. We are part of Gospel Grace Church in downtown SLC and it’s the main reason we moved to the city! I love interior design, organizing, blogging, reading, and of course, photography! Little things in life bring me joy and I often obsess over details. You can find me online at my personal blog, Beautiful Living or you can check out my photography work at Kellie Kaminski Photography. I spend most of my social media time on Instagram and would love to connect with you there (@kelliejoy or @kelliekaminskiphotography)!

Kellie's Mom Look: 

You’ll find me in skinny jeans, a comfy, stylish sweater or shirt and a cute pair of shoes! I believe in getting fully ready every day (hair, makeup, outfit)– it makes me feel beautiful + increases my confidence + productivity!